Once a year you have a day to feel deserving of love & happiness for a whole day.
When it’s your birthday it’s normal to feel of importance. It’s normal to expect praise and loving attention because it is your day. It’s normal to smile and show happiness. It’s normal to plan ahead. It’s normal to expect a gift or two or to gladly treat yourself. It’s normal to have a need or want to be around loved ones. It’s normal to want to celebrate your special day with people who are close to you. It’s normal to feel thankful for another year. It’s normal to receive pleasure and to enjoy it.
It is your celebration. But….. Does it feel like you’re celebrating someone else instead of you?
So, what if you are being spoiled with countless and genuine-like attention? And receive shiny gifts that you’ve never wanted for yourself or never have asked for? Yet, you are appreciative of these things. And what if you’re receiving praise not for self-accomplishments but for physical appearances. What if you’re given time to enjoy yourself but the time in doing so is rushed? Moreover, what if you are actually surrounded by loved ones during an event drawn to celebrate you and you receive love and attention that is deserved by your caring family and friends but is in fact unnoticed?
And after inheriting this, you later feel bad and guilty for appreciating these things. Could it be, because you are unnoticeably forcing yourself away from your comforting surroundings and self-desires so that all of your attention is focused on another person? Could your self-esteem appear so low that you easily try to be forever liked or loved by materializing your physical features? Are you forced into liking material things because you are being molded into an image that another person wants you to be? Are you afraid to show off the things you like in fear of not being accepted that subsidizes inadequate time for self?
There are those who “appreciate” you, not because of who you are. But for what you give and what you allow. It’s not the giving of gifts, positive attention, time, happiness, and love that are being accepted. It is a will of uncomfortable and unworthy attention. Giving unplanned time that tackles your own self-made goals. Also, spending most of your time to accompany another person to where you have no time for the people who miss you. Handing out your own insecurities to help others feel important. And allowing them to attack your insecurities in order to build their character. As well as giving praise and recognition to provide support and motivation for them.
In reality, you are celebrating them. Not because it is their birthday. This becomes a daily persuasion. You have replaced yourself with that person by giving them what they are constantly expecting. It is your attention that you’ve uncarefully provided for them. Your level of appreciation does not match theirs. Or, are they even appreciated to begin with? Obviously not. If they did acknowledge your presence, you would look forward to being in their company. Instead, you wish for your birthday to end fast or skip a year. Hoping that it would feel better then. You would feel warm and welcomed. Instead, you feel anxious and uninterested in being happy with them. You would feel celebrated. Instead, you feel abandoned and alone when around them. You would appreciate & enjoy their gifts. Instead, you worry about how to repay them in the same manner they have gifted you as it is expected of them.
Having to make a decision on if it is even worth the time and effort to celebrate you while another is craving for your unhappiness is very tormenting. The best way to manage a situation like this is by distancing yourself completely. Spend time alone to get to know yourself. Make friends as your heart accepts genuinely. Real celebrations feel good and make pleasant memories that aren’t dreading.