Alone at First Sight

There was a young child, maybe age 5 or 6.  She was interested in her mom teaching her how to read. One day, she grabbed a child’s book from her room and took it to her mom while she was resting with a companion.  She then layed next to her mom and opened the book.  She began trying to read but couldn’t pronounce any of the words. She then cried out to her mom and asked, “Can you teach me how to read?”, while handing her mom the book. The mother grabbed the book and pushed it back into her daughter’s arms and told her she doesn’t feel like reading.  When the little girl cried again, her mom then yelled at her. She was sent back to her room to be alone, as usual.  And this is how the young child spent most of her life growing up.

She had no choice but to learn how to be alone.  She learned how to isolate herself from any human interaction including her family.  As a pre-teen & teenager, the only time she would come out of her room was to eat, use the bathroom, and to handle any assigned daily chores. Her mother would frequently get upset because her daughter never wants to join her in watching television.

As a child, she was looked upon as severely shy & quiet and as she grew older her peers saw her as anti-social and then later conceited (mostly by other females). She always had appeared different in the eyes of her friends.  And because of this she never felt that she fit in with society’s views. She struggled to define herself and hoped to find the definition from strangers that she easily trusted.  Only because she didn’t trust to receive it from home as this was proven to not be important already.

No one had time to give her love. No one had time to teach her values & respect. No one had the time to teach her how to read. School was hard for her. She struggled with every single subject and tried her best to do her homework alone. She tried her best to make good grades knowing that her mother or father wasn’t there to support or to assist her.  Her parents didn’t even bother contacting the school for assistance with her learning disability (which wasn’t diagnosed until early adulthood). But her symptoms of having a learning disability has always been there since childhood. She loved math. And she loved science. She could read but she couldn’t comprehend the material at all. It didn’t matter how simple the content was.

Her mom would tell her how smart and pretty she was. Smart for being smarter than her, the mom herself. And pretty for having adorable brown eyes and long curly hair. But no love in sight. This child doesn’t even know how to tell anyone she loves them. After being reunited with her father at 12 yrs old, she was finally introduced to a whole different level of attention. She was forced to say something that she has never heard or has never said to someone before. She was forced to say, “I love you”, as a reply.  During the times when she got a chance to visit or speak with her dad, he would not leave her without saying, “I love you.” The child thought it was best saying this to her father over the phone as she was greatly shy and afraid of direct contact, no matter who it was. Still, she has never gotten used to saying these 3 words.

We have a pretty good idea where this all came from and the negative roads it could lead to.  In order for a person to beat battles in life and to succeed at their best is to know what love is and most importantly, to love themselves. And love is actually taught through feelings, care, emotions, positivity, and positive actions.

Could you imagine what it feels like to have only been told once by your parent that he/she loves you? And for them to only have the ability to say it when they are either drunk or high on drugs?

Could it be that love wasn’t found within this child’s grandparents as well?

Is it possible to not love at all?

Parents are to be our first love. The first people we feel, see, touch, and taste in life are our parents.  Somewhere in between this holds an answer.


Read more:

Why Did I Do That? Depression Not, But TOXICITY….Discovering “the” Toxic Human.

Don’t have much to say.

Who Are Your Parents?

Creating a Monster

Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s