July 23, 2018
I remember when I use to brag about depression as in describing who I am. This was my resort of “explanation” each time I felt bad or when shit was out of my control or reach.
I used to use depression as an excuse for why I felt sorry for myself. I used it to prove that I didn’t have any self-esteem nor self-confidence.
It was an excuse to not move. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I didn’t want to get out and enjoy life with friends. I didn’t want to make any goals for my future. I didn’t want anything negative in my life but I also didn’t want anything positive as well.
I got real familiar with the walls in my home. I’ve distanced myself from family & friends and as soon as this happened I lost all communication overall. I forgot how to laugh. Communicating with others was short & uninteresting.
I became unaware of my surroundings, worse of all, I became unaware of myself. I stopped learning. I had no reason to. I stopped myself from growing.
Self-hate is misery.