Depression Mistaken

Jsoul Morgan

July 23, 2018

Depression Mistaken

I remember when I use to brag about depression as in describing who I am.  This was my resort of “explanation” each time I felt bad or when shit was out of my control or reach.

I used to use depression as an excuse for why I felt sorry for myself.  I used it to prove that I didn’t have any self-esteem nor self-confidence.

It was an excuse to not move.  I didn’t want to go anywhere. I didn’t want to get out and enjoy life with friends. I didn’t want to make any goals for my future. I didn’t want anything negative in my life but I also didn’t want anything positive as well.

I got real familiar with the walls in my home. I’ve distanced myself from family & friends and as soon as this happened I lost all communication overall.  I forgot how to laugh.  Communicating with others was short & uninteresting.

I became unaware of my surroundings, worse of all, I became unaware of myself. I stopped learning.  I had no reason to.  I stopped myself from growing.

Self-hate is misery.

 

Read More!

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It’s Time

Don’t let them bribe you….

To Celebrate or Not

 

www.JSoulEnvy.com

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Jealous of Love: Scenes of love envy & how to overcome it.

July 15, 2018

Jsoul Morgan

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Jealous of Love: Scenes of love envy & how to overcome it.

When one is jealous of another, it usually means that this person has feelings of anger and envy because he/she want what the other person has. Jealousy is defined as “a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that one more rightfully deserves”, found on AllAboutLifeChanges.org, in its “What is Jealousy” article. Jealousy also refers to negative feelings and anger caused by fear of losing someone or something to a rival. On other hands, there is a group of individuals who carry these feelings but the reason comes from internal pain.  These individuals, who feel “alone against smiling enemies”, envy because of the Love and Attention the “enemy” receives from family, friends, co-workers, followers, fans, their child, or any other relationship.  

A person is jealous of another for the reason they long to have what another individual has.  By watching how happy this person is to have these things, which is so appealing to the envy. The envy sees and assumes that the enemy is very happy, loved, blessed, and lucky to have these things.  They assume that their “enemy” is “perfect” and it would be impossible to go after the same things or either there isn’t enough to go around. For a person to be jealous of someone who receives love and attention shows something has been missing from this person internally.  Something that should have been found and accepted very early in life.  Love.

A “smiling enemy” could be anyone.  The envy doesn’t have to have any kind of relationship with this individual.  It is a fact of watching the “enemy” and coming up with different illusions and assumptions about how this person may be feeling highly loved, favored, and accepted.  And these usually are emotions that come from a broken individual. Broken, not from past “dating” kind of relationships but from relationships with whom you’d think is honest, trustworthy, and caring.  Someone who is warm and gives love and affection unconditionally. Someone who is positive, unselfish, and shows empathy. The envy has missed out on all meanings of real love that should have come from mommy and daddy. 

Envy or jealousy feels horrible.  It makes you feel lonely and left-out. It is a feeling of hate and resentment. It feels like not having any hope and not having a reason to try.  It drains you and un-motivates you to not achieve personal goals. Envy lessens your self-esteem & self-confidence. It projects a poor and negative future in relationships within family, friends, co-workers, and associates.  It basically destroys the makeup of your livelihood. It sucks because all of these horrible feelings are held within the envy when no one has actually physically harmed or attacked this individual for any reason. Many times, the “enemy” doesn’t know that someone envies them. Maybe they’re too happy to notice the sadness.  6

 

What could an individual do to resolve these feelings?

Talk about it!  

One solution is to discuss these feelings with another trusted individual. Someone who is well known or acquainted, like a sister/brother, cousin, aunt, or grandparent.  Take into consideration of those who are willing to help.  To receive info from trusted and known individuals could help ease these feelings. The envy could even learn new things about themselves that they could begin to love. Hearing about other’s experiences, especially if they’re similar, is also helpful.  This shows that the envy, in fact, isn’t alone.

The next solution is to work on improving self-confidence and self-esteem. Learn about self. Write down things of interests, desires, and needs. Focus on just those and make a plan. Write down the steps it will take to reach these desires or goals.  Make a daily To-Do list and focus on each goal, one-by-one.

Next solution, Get out! Check Eventbrite or Facebook’s event section and find local happenings like networking events, parties, shows, classes, etc. Get involved with self by including the world, surrounding self with like-minded people, that have similar goals and talents.  It is best to attend events or gatherings that bring meaning to one’s goal(s).

The last solution is to ask for help from a therapist, mentor, manager, professor, or any other superior trustworthy individual. Help is also found in groups and forums listed on Facebook, MeetUp, or other social sites for free. A mentor may charge a fee but it wouldn’t hurt to utilize him/her if it should motivate an individual to work on improving their well-being.  There are active groups present today including members who have a drive and passion to help others succeed in life. There are so many coaches who are hunting down individuals who are seeking guidance in life overall. We all should take advantage of this. We all need advice at times.

Did you like what you just read? Click below to read more!

Unavailable

Tangles of my soul

Don’t let them bribe you….

Who Are Your Parents?

 

 

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Who Are Your Parents?

Jsoul Morgan

Who Are Your Parents?

What does it mean for a man to avoid spending time with his mother?

What does it mean when a woman has arguments after being around her mother for a short period of time?

What does it mean for a man to leave his home once his mother arrives to visit?

What does it mean for a woman to have never left her mother’s nest?

What does it mean for a woman to need for her mother to handle her business inquiries or matters for her?

What does it mean to allow your mother to think for you as a grown man or woman?

What does it mean for a man to hate his father and speaks of him in disgust?

What does it mean for a grown man or woman to handle all of their mother’s bills and daily responsibilities that prevent them from moving out on their own to do this same shit for self?

What does it mean for a woman to constantly have arguments with her mother and never minding to show her any respect (cursing/negative talk)?

What does it mean for a woman to yearn a man she hardly knows, her father?

What does all this chaos mean to “you”?

It means, that YOU are a depressing person. Sad as shit. YOU have very very low self-esteem. YOU choose the wrong relationships. Either YOU allow others to step over YOU or you’re entitled to everything that you’re wrongfully believing YOU deserve.

You’re afraid to love. YOU walk around fabricating stories on your achievements. Or either YOU talk shit about your self to others. YOU don’t trust no one, not even your parents. May even distrust your self. Actually, YOU really hate your self.

Either you’re physically controlling in relationships or you’re a person that allows a mate to cheat and physically attack YOU, or just disrespect YOU period (not taking up for self).

YOU don’t know what or who YOU want to be in life. YOU look up to the wrong people and idolize friends who are on the same level as YOU or lower. And idolizing shiny, flashy, & materialistic friends as a father figure. Or YOU don’t look up to no one at all but mommy and even she’s not proud of her damn self.   

And the older YOU get, the more arguments arise between YOU and your parents.

I’ll stop there…..

It’s deep, but wouldn’t YOU like to know?



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www.jsoulenvy.com

To Celebrate or Not

JSoul Envy Blogs (2)

Once a year you have a day to feel deserving of love & happiness for a whole day.

When it’s your birthday it’s normal to feel important. It’s normal to expect praise and loving attention because it is your day. It’s normal to smile and show happiness. It’s normal to plan ahead. It’s normal to expect a gift or two or to gladly treat yourself. It’s normal to have a need or want to be around loved ones. It’s normal to want to celebrate your special day with people who are close to you. It’s normal to feel thankful for another year.  It’s normal to receive pleasure and to enjoy it.

It is your celebration.  But….. Does it feel like you’re celebrating someone else instead of you?

So, what if you are being spoiled with countless and genuine-like attention? And receive shiny gifts that you’ve never wanted for yourself or never have asked for? Yet, you are appreciative of these things. And what if you’re receiving praise not for self-accomplishments but for physical appearances. What if you’re given time to enjoy yourself but the time in doing so is rushed? Moreover, what if you are actually surrounded by loved ones during an event drawn to celebrate you and you receive love and attention that is deserved by your caring family and friends but is in fact unnoticed?

And after inheriting this, you later feel bad and guilty for appreciating these things. Could it be, because you are unnoticeably forcing yourself away from your comforting surroundings and self-desires so that all of your attention is focused on another person? Could your self-esteem appear so low that you easily try to be forever liked or loved by materializing your physical features? Are you forced into liking material things because you are being molded into an image that another person wants you to be? Are you afraid to show off the things you like in fear of not being accepted that subsidizes inadequate time for self?

There are those who “appreciate” you, not because of who you are. But for what you give and what you allow. It’s not the giving of gifts, positive attention, time, happiness, and love that are being accepted. It is a will of uncomfortable and unworthy attention. Giving unplanned time that tackles your own self-made goals. Also, spending most of your time to accompany another person to where you have no time for the people who miss you. Handing out your own insecurities to help others feel important. And allowing them to attack your insecurities in order to build their character. As well as giving praise and recognition to provide support and motivation for them.

In reality, you are celebrating them. Not because it is their birthday. This becomes a daily persuasion. You have replaced yourself with that person by giving them what they are constantly expecting. It is your attention that you’ve uncarefully provided for them. Your level of appreciation does not match theirs.  Or, are they even appreciated to begin with? Obviously not. If they did acknowledge your presence, you would look forward to being in their company. Instead, you wish for your birthday to end fast or skip a year. Hoping that it would feel better then.  You would feel warm and welcomed. Instead, you feel anxious and uninterested in being happy with them.  You would feel celebrated. Instead, you feel abandoned and alone when around them. You would appreciate & enjoy their gifts. Instead, you worry about how to repay them in the same manner they have gifted you as it is expected of them.

Having to make a decision on if it is even worth the time and effort to celebrate you while another is craving for your unhappiness is very tormenting.  The best way to manage a situation like this is by distancing yourself completely.  Spend time alone to get to know yourself. Make friends as your heart accepts genuinely. Real celebrations feel good and make pleasant memories that aren’t dreading.

 

 

Creating a Monster

You fabricate and exaggerate stories filled with lust, passion, and hope.  Producing yearns for love, empathy, sensitivity, and comfort. But there is a missing point.  A missing reality. A hidden statement that declares make-believe.  Dreams that will never become real. Because, it is learned to yearn. To yearn for those required feelings that has never been received.  So, how does one recognize this once it arrives? Without knowing how to receive it.  And without knowing how to give it. Being, having those sort of desires administers a feeling of emptiness to a huge extent. Empty, lonely, and heartless. You’ve created me.

JSoul Envy Blogs

 

Read The Missing Piece

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How to tell if an introvert loves you.

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What is an Introvert?

Introvert and shyness both have two different meanings. Introverts are energized by spending time alone.  These are your homebodies, library geeks, the lonely walks in the park or any other secluded place.  Not all introverts are shy.  There are many introverts who have awesome social lives and love being around their friends or close ones but may need some alone time to recharge afterward.

Introvert vs. Shyness

Many think negatively toward introverts and wrongfully assume that they dislike people.  They are misunderstood because of society’s way of bringing those thoughts and rumors into play.  Shy, on the other hand, is being reserved and showing nervousness in the company of other people.  You can tell when a person is nervous or frightened in fear.  As a young child whenever my mom took me out in public and while in crowds, I would stick my middle & wedding ring fingers in my mouth and hold it there until the event was over.  If anyone would try to speak to me I would immediately shut down and my mom would have to cover for me.  I would never take my fingers out of my mouth to speak to anyone. And the whole time I am hot, nervous, and don’t feel good at all.  Being shy doesn’t mean you hate others but is afraid of social acts of any kind.

The truth about introverts                

Introverts want to be invited but deep down doesn’t really want to go.   

Introverts love being lonely at home. They don’t want anyone in their space unless they really like them. And even if they do like them, they would want them to go home soon.

Introverts enjoy being alone for the most part of their day.

Introverts think best when alone.

Introverts lead best when others are self-starters.

Introverts are the last to raise their hand in group convos.

Introverts may wear headphones out in public.

Introverts don’t like talking on the phone much.

Introverts don’t initiate small talk with salespeople or anyone in casual contact.

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When an introvert loves

Although, Introverts are hard to read.  If you pay attention well enough you could see the signs of when an introvert loves you.

They will actually make an effort to do social things like going out to big events.

They will let you in on their personal and quiet space. This is important because an introvert mostly spends time alone and their space is very personal.  If an introvert has invited you to their comfort zone then you are special to them.

They want you to hear their favorite songs. It is a way of expressing themselves. It’s like looking into their soul and learning who they are.  For me, it isn’t the words that I would want you to hear but the sounds of the piano, guitar, or any live instruments. The way the sounds and beat were well put together.  I would want you to know how good that song sounds to me and how good it makes me feel.

Revealing secrets.  If an introvert reveals any of their private life it means they want to open up to you and want to invite you on a hidden or personal level of their life. It is also a way to show that they trust you.

They want to make an effort to know your friends. But wait. Little by little as an introvert can feel overwhelming when meeting several people at once.  Introverts value trust in others. But if an introvert wants to be in your surrounding then it’s surely because of love.

They will make an effort to call you more often over the phone as this is one of their most stressful interactions.

Introverts are usually closed in but when they’re into you they will start a conversation to attract your attention. If they can come out of their shell for you then that means they’re deeply interested in you.

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They show a great deal of compassion and care for those they feel close to. An introvert doesn’t like to see close ones upset or sad as they will make it their problem as well.

If you find an introvert that helps you without you having to ask then that means they like you a lot!

They will make plans with you on their own but it would be more private outings as a couple, no big groups.   

It’s really hard for introverts to express feelings.  One way that seems easy is by buying gifts or providing funds for a need.  Introverts don’t mind caring for people they love.   

Keeping the relationship

Pay attention to the signs.  Learning an introvert can get interesting. But it shouldn’t be frustrating. The best way to get to know an introvert is by having a clear and clean conversation allowing this person to open or (come out of their shell). Just allowing them to be themselves. It may help to give compliments on the things they value most every once in a while. Introverts are big on trust, honesty, and acceptance.  Without this, they would shut completely down.

Remember an introvert greatly need their alone time to help get through the days.  Always respect their comfort zone. If they need time to think and need personal space, please respect this. There’s no need to get angry if an introvert doesn’t want to be around you at the time.  It is best to allow an introvert to think things through before engaging in any serious conversations or arguments.

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Hater

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You have the wrong idea.

Those people are not just taunting because of hate. That person doesn’t speak behind your back because they’re fake. Your friends aren’t supporting you because they don’t want to see you move up or succeed.  You’re not being criticized to be stopped. You’re not being put last because they don’t like you. They don’t cause arguments to fight. They’re complimenting you, but negatively.

Competing and comparing within friendships and relationships is toxic and tedious.

Jealousy and envy come from those of low self-esteem or from those who have not developed such attributes that is causing jealousy.  Jealousy leads up a competitive side within a person which focuses attention on what a person wishes to improve in themselves.  This brings the reason why most are unable to watch their friends lead to success. Not because of hate.

If you look at it as a compliment and if you use it as motivation, it could avoid altercations. But it mostly doesn’t work out this way. Most “haters” cause problems by competing and devaluing their relationship and will eventually lose it.

Hate is a strong intense of dislike for someone or thing. An intense dislike caused from a serious event entering fear and/or anger. When we talk about hate I think of terrorist attacks, wars, police brutality, etc that are happening all over the world today. These people, your friends/associates, don’t hate you. Deep down they love you and love the person that you are.  They have very high interests in your career or whatever good is going for you.  Their only issue is hating themselves. And for a friend to bring you down because of their own self-image can only transfer the hate in you, if you allow it to.

Now, watch for loved ones. Because envy and competing within love is harsh. Harsh enough to make you want to give up. When you think you can trust someone and involve them in your goals and plans for success but they don’t smile when you’re happy nor do they motivate you to keep going when they know you’re reaching. Turn you down once you come up with an idea or make you feel in a way you should put it on hold. Watch for the person who hangs around you during the most part of your days. They are watching your every move and remembering every plan you make.  Preparing to cause an outburst in the near future in hopes of breaking you. The worst is when you’re supporting a loved one.  And their business and needs stand before yours and you find yourself behind on all of your tasks, pushing back your goals further and further.

This doesn’t feel like love, so is it hate?

Your biggest hater is the one who actually spends unnecessary time with you all year round but rather sit behind/ away from you when it’s time for you to “try”.